Fast Forward

Has it really been 2 and ¾ years since I’ve written my blog? I could have sworn it’s only been 2 and ½.

If this gap had happened between 2010 and 2012, I would have said you hadn’t missed much. Sure, Josh and I had gone on some really nice vacations and attended some great friends’ weddings, but the resumes of our lives still looked the same: same spouse, same jobs, same house, same family structure—DINK+2C (Double Income, No Kids, 2 Cats).

Surprise! Fast forward to January 2015 and that’s all changed. We had a kid! I quit my job! We still live in the same house, but a couple of months ago, even that was up for debate. We still have the two cats, but they have sunk in significance. When people used to ask us if we had kids, Josh would always answer “No, but we have two cats.” (I wouldn’t because talking about your pets is never relevant to the question of whether you have kids. If the asker wanted to know if you have pets, they would have asked that question.)

When people ask me how I’m doing these days, it’s hard to answer personally. I usually start out by talking about how much sleep Rye (our son) is getting, and how early he’s getting up (which directly correlates to how much sleep I’m getting), and I talk about people I’ve seen lately and what’s going on in their lives. When the few press on to repeat they were asking about ME, I try to think of something more to say than just “tired” or “OK.”

Being a stay-at-home mom is hard! The first year was incredibly hard, because as a mom acquaintance put it, “you’re in baby prison.” Babies need to sleep about 90 minutes every 2 hours. It’s a constant cycle of feeding and trying to get them to sleep and then letting them sleep. It’s really hard to get out to do simple things like go to the gym and grocery store, but to do something social—especially with friends who also have kids who also take naps and constantly need to eat and are fighting both—it can seem more trouble than it’s worth. Sadly. So when Josh would tell me on a Saturday morning to go out and have some free time, I really relished it. I could get in and out of the car in under 5 seconds! I could go to Target or Marshall’s and just wander around without having to make every decision in 10 seconds or less so the cart would keep moving! I could make 5 errands in a row without worrying about a meltdown in checkout!

I’m sorry, I’m veering into a mommy rant. I do NOT want my blog to become a venting spot for parenting frustrations. Because very little of that is original. So if I do want to expound on parenting stuff, I will try to make sure that it is original, or, at least, that my filtering of it makes it original.

Because part of the reason I want to restart the blog is remind myself that I AM more than just a mom. “Old Carrie” hasn’t died (though ironically, I feel much older now) or been lost.

And except for the lack of sleep, I am a lot happier now. Our marriage feels stronger than it has ever been as we have grown so much through our new roles. Our house is no longer just a cool house that we renovated ourselves with a million personal touches — it’s our house that our son is growing up in. And on the bad days, Josh thinks about how his job isn’t just a job, it’s his way of providing for our family, which is ever more important now that he’s the only one working. (I actually do still freelance, but I’m making about ¼ of what I used to. Or, I guess I’ll know the actual fraction once we get through tax season.)

It’s not that we were living insignificant lives before, but now we are more aware of the significance in everything.

And with that, I’m going to enjoy my chocolate mousse that Rye and I made before I put him to bed, then heading to bed myself. Because he’s getting up at 6:15 these days…