Monday, August 31, 2015

Really, I’m fine. Let’s talk about something else.

So it’s been two weeks, and I want you all to know that I’m really healing and doing emotionally so much better than I could have anticipated two weeks ago. Thank you for all your encouragements and prayers! They have meant the world to me.

I’m am also overwhelmed by all the positive feedback I got from the blog. I feel it really accomplished my two purposes: to get all my torment out of my head and in words (if not on paper) and to help you understand what it’s really like. I am AMAZED so many of you even read it to the end. And I am sorry if it made you cry.

As for crying, I am not breaking down in the shower on a daily basis. And once I published the blog, I started sleeping normally, even better than before, and that makes a huge difference in how my brain functions. I’d say my emotions are in check, so long as no one starts hugging me and telling me again how sorry they are for what we’re going through. But those occurrences are dwindling off. And despite my fear that I’d keep looking pregnant, my body is snapping back into non-pregnant shape. I haven’t lost the weight yet (that eating ice cream every night thing is a hard habit to kick) but the baby bump is gone. I look normally overweight, in the way that you wouldn’t dare risk asking a stranger “when are you due?” without fear of getting punched.

Soooooo….let’s talk about something else. What’s going on with you? It was great to hear from so many friends, but all you told me is how sorry you are for me. Now tell me something good, or not so good, about what’s going on with you! I’ve played my hand, my cards are on the table. What are you holding? Email me!

In the past week I read “Go Set a Watchman,” the “new” Harper Lee book. Very interesting, not so much the book itself but for the comparison of Watchman and “To Kill a Mockingbird.” And then I listened to the Diane Rehm Show’s book discussion, and while the discussion wasn’t as good as I had hoped it would be, it was fun to think critically about the book and about what these professionals had to think about it. So if you have also read this book, let’s talk about it!

I’ve also been watching a lot of sad movies. Not overly sad, but more like dark humor sad, about people whose lives suck but they don’t really realize it. And it’s not like I’m really seeking that out—that’s just what movies are about these days. Though several of these movies did star Kristen Wiig, and she does seem to pick roles about women who are kind of losers. These movies include “Girl Most Likely,” “Welcome to Me,” and “The Skeleton Twins.” Have you seen any of these movies? Let’s talk about it!

I’ve also been on a shopping kick. I know I can be an impulse shopper, but Josh and I started a Budget (yes, it deserves to be capitalized) last year, and since then I’ve really reigned in my shopping. But in the past week, I bought my first pair of Toms, a pair of Babiator sunglasses for Rye (which we had seen on vacation last month but had decided not to buy because it seemed like they were vacation-store priced rather than reasonably priced, but it turns out, it was the same price online), a year’s worth of deodorant from Amazon because I get so frustrated when I can’t find my brand in stores, and a couple of presents for others. Do you also like to impulse buy? Let’s talk about it!

So I hope you get my point. Life goes on. We all know what happened, but the future lies ahead. And I’m going to have cute shoes for it.

My legs are not really this white.

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