Josh was gone this morning but got home earlier than I had expected, and after he and Rye ate some lunch, Josh wanted us all to go to the mall and walk around. Rye loves the mall. Probably because it feels like a big, open space and I don't make him hold my hand like I do when we're in an actual outdoor area. Plus the fountain and escalator. (Oh, the simple joys of childhood.)
But Josh gave me the out, and since I did have work to do that I would have to do Sunday morning if I didn't do it then, I opted out. I played the "work" card. And I earnestly did get my work done, but I probably could have gotten it done in 20 minutes tomorrow morning anyway, especially since my brain is so much fresher in the morning.
I just wanted some quiet time. Granted, I do get about 2 hours of Rye's nap time nearly every day, but I'm still not alone. And why do I want this freedom? To blare loud music? To watch movies with cursing? To have friends over, especially ones with loud laughs that I'm afraid are going to wake Rye up?
Nope. I just miss being alone. It's not like I want to be alone all the time or even the majority of the time, but just ever. And sometimes since parenthood, it feels like I don't get to be alone ever. Outside of those rare times of running errands, where you still have a pretty strict agenda you need to keep to. (Though those errands are still greatly treasured. Monday my car was in the shop for a check-up, and when it was time for one of us to go walk the 6 blocks to pick it up, I was practically begging for the opportunity to a) leave the house by myself and b) take a walk by myself. You know, two things I used to do all the time.)
Within the first two months of being a stay-at-home mom I was making the joke "they say marriage is the ball and chain, but really it's the baby." Only it doesn't feel OK to say those kind of jokes out loud, so you keep it inside. Especially after everyone knows how much you wanted a baby. "Seriously, she's complaining already?"
There's just a lot to be said for alone time.
So how did I use mine today? Making a hot tea that I forgot about and then had to drink when it's the temperature of public restroom hot water when you're trying to wash your hands; finishing a Neighborhoods column with a lede that made me laugh and I'm hoping I can get away with (it's in German); responding to a text (with photo) from Josh about their adventures at the mall; and folding laundry while watching a Property Brothers episode on Netflix. Nothing fancy, or deep, but delightful.